51

seeya round sometime?

– I don’t know, I just don’t know
but … you do understand, don’t you?
I need to find out who I am
why I was on that beach
what’s happening to me …

– Why do you need to know that stuff?
there’s a lot of bad things in my life
that I’d do anything to just erase, forget

– Yeah, but would you want to give up your life entirely?
have no memory of who you are
what you’d done
in the whole time you’ve been alive
it’s weird
I just can’t describe how it is
every moment I live through now
it’s like I’m alive for the first time
I know what everything is
phones, tables, coffee cups, all that
but I can’t remember any examples
I can’t remember drinking a particular cup of coffee
with a particular person
on a particular day
so far as I’m concerned
this is the first time
I’ve ever sat down in a café & had a conversation
I can’t remember my parents, for God’s sake
I can’t remember my mother’s face!

– I’m sorry
that was really crass of me
it’s just … what if we can’t find it?
what if we do & there’s no one there
who recognises you?